TAKING A MOMENT TO BREATHE

LAST NIGHT LORD OF THE JAMZ WENT DANCING AND RULED THE JAMZ! HE WON OVER MANY LADIES AND THEY THOUGHT HE WAS CHARMING AND SHOULD DATE THEIR FRIEND. (caption unrelated to picture)

FREIGHT TRAIN WENT TO TEXAS

THEY ROLLED WITH THE JAMZ, A LOT OF LONE STAR, MGD AND TORTILLAS.

HIGHLIGHTS:

-BOSS LADY LET WEIRD GERMAN GIRL CRASH IN GIRLS DORM, CRAZY TRAIN SUBSEQUENTLY WOKE UP WITH WEIRD NAKED GERMAN ASS NEXT TO HER.
-TRAIN WRECK + CRAZY TRAIN SNUCK IN TO A SHOW THROUGH A BACK ALLEY. CRAZY TRAIN WAS FORCIBLY EJECTED DUE TO A MIXTURE OF HECKLING FRIENDS AND DISALLOWED BEVERAGES.
-TRAINWRECK WAS ATTACKED BY AN AMERICAN FLAG. BITCHFLAG SPILLED TRAINWRECKS MARGARITA!
-WANTED TO MAKE BOY FROM DEERHUNTER A SANDWICH AND TELL HIM IT WAS ALL OKAY, WE LOVE HIM NO MATTER WHAT.
-CRAZY TRAIN VOMMED ON SECOND DAY AT A PARTY, TRAINWRECK WAITED UNTIL THE SECOND DAY BACK ON THE SUBWAY!

THE SHINS WANT US TO DRINK

THE SHINS WANT TRAINWRECK AND I TO DRINK THE CHAMPAGNE THEY SENT RIGHT NOW, SINCE WE WERE SO INTEGRAL TO THE SUCCESS OF THE NEW ALBUM.

OH, EXCEPT THIS BOTTLE, OBVIOUSLY:

LOOK, I'M SORRY, OKAY?

THE OTHER FREIGHT TRAIN TEAM MEMBERS WERE REALLY ON THEIR GAME THIS WEEK, AND I...WASN'T.

I JUST WANTED TO TELL TEXAS TO WATCH THE FUCK OUT, BECAUSE THE LADIEZ AND JAMZ ALL GOT THEIR TICKETS TO AUSTIN THIS WEEK. WE'LL BE THERE TO TEAR SHIT UP REAL SOON.

"NYE FREIGHTTRAIN!" an interpretive photodance.

FAN FICTION: A Day in the Life of Two Princesses

Almost daily Princess Crazy Train and Princess Train Wreck's happiness is thwarted by monsters unimaginable. Suck in their tower of musical business, connected to the outside world only by telepathy (or maybe the internet) and their daily visits by the trolls, witches, and warlocks.

There are at least three trolls who lurk nearby. One's got a penchant for pink velour and a straggly beard. She lurks about the foot of the tower screeching. The second troll is a bumbling bizarre fellow. Sometimes amiable, sometimes lecherous and deviant, our heroines can smell him coming because of the putrid odor of stale smoke. The last troll is the most frightening. Her eyes glow red and her hair is fierce black. Of the trolls, she's the only most likely to cook the girls and eat them.



Sometimes the bog witch visits crackling wildly (though of late, she's been away collecting herbs and eyes of newt for potions). She is friendly to the girls even as the matted tangled mess of hair atop her head is home to various weevils and wasps. Princess Train Wreck is especially disturbed by this witch and Princess Crazy Train does her best to comfort her friend in the face of this somewhat harmless wizened old woman.

It's a lonely life away in their tower. Each princess dreams of her knight, or of maybe lil' schmoopy Todd in advertising, coming to her rescue. Thankfully they have each other. And ale at lunches. And various magic happy pills to ease the malaise.

GNAW

LAST NIGHT LADIEZ OF FREIGHT TRAIN DID SOME SHOTS AND ALTERNATELY PETTED AND CHEWED ON EACHOTHER.


THEN TRAINWRECK ABANDONED CRAZY TRAIN, AT WHICH POINT CRAZY TRAIN, AS PER USUAL, WENT COMPLETELY INSANE. MADe BOSS BUY MORE SHOTS. SPENT TIME ON FLOOR OF CAB. MADE FRIENDS WITH STRIPPERS.

TONIGHT, BUSY FUN TIME!!

EXPERIMENTS IN MODERATION AND RESPONSIBILITY

2007 I DUB THEE YEAR OF THE LIFESTYLE CHANGE.



NOT COUNTING FRIDAY. FRIDAY NEVER COUNTS EVER FOR ANYTHING EVER AGAIN. FRIDAY NEVER HAPPENED. THERE WAS A TIME WARP.



WHERE WAS FREIGHT TRAIN? FUNNY, WE DON'T KNOW EITHER!!!

HIGHLY FUNCTIONING FREIGHT TRAINZ

A VERY BESTIE NEW YEARS

CRAZY TRAIN AND THE JAMZ SPENT NEW YEARS TOGETHER. MOSTLY IT LOOKED LIKE THIS:


WITH A LITTLE BIT OF THIS:


THANKS JAMZ, FOR BOTH A GOOD TIME AND FOR LICKING MY FACE REPEATEDLY. NO, REALLY.

ATTENTION PASSENGERS

CRAZY TRAIN ARRIVAL TIME POSTPONED 2 HOURS DUE TO UNSCHEDULED STOPS IN VOM-TOWN EAST, WEST AND NORTH. EXPECT DELAYS ALL DAY.




UHHHH...SORRY DUDES!

SO. BEAUTIFUL.

CHEERS, FROM ONE TRAIN TO THE OTHER!

OH SHIT WAIT

trainwreck: did you save him?
crazy train: no i got distracted
trainwreck: i saw last days again a few days ago
crazy train: WAIT
trainwreck: gus van zant's kurt movie
crazy train: I JUST REMEMBERED WHY I GOT DISTRACTED
trainwreck: haha
trainwreck: whyyy>
crazy train: YOU AND I WERE BEING CHASED BY A RABID SQUIRREL
crazy train: I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAH
crazy train: OMG I AM LAUGHING
trainwreck: hahahahahaha
trainwreck: BRILLAINT
trainwreck: i misspelled that
trainwreck: ITS A METAPHOR!
trainwreck: or something?
crazy train: I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT THAT PART
trainwreck: hahahaha sooooo gooood
crazy train: and then no one believed us!!
crazy train: and kurt WAS ALREADY GONE
crazy train: and i knew that i'd never be able to save him from his imminent, drug fueled death!!!!!
crazy train: IT WAS SO SAD
trainwreck: hahahaha BECAUSE OF A SQUIRREL
trainwreck: i think the squirrel is [LORD OF THE JAMZ]
crazy train: ugggghhhhhh FUCK THAT SQUIRREL
crazy train: HAHAHAHAHAHAH
trainwreck: it's got to be!
crazy train: that squirrel was ANGRY
trainwreck: [JAMZ] doesnt seem like an angry kid
crazy train: my dreams obv. know better though
trainwreck: hahah true true

DREAMZ

LAST NIGHT I DREAMED THAT MY DAD CALLED ME FAT AND I WAS REALLY, REALLY MAD ABOUT IT


THEN I HAD A DREAM THAT I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO SAVE KURT COBAIN FROM AN EARLY GRAVE, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS LURE HIM AWAY FROM COURTNEY LOVE!



THE SECOND ONE WAS A PRETTY GOOD DREAM, BUT EVEN IN MY DREAM HE WAS A REALLY LITTLE GUY!

A WEEKEND IN RETROSPECT

1. i have a MYSTERIOUS BITE SHAPED BRUISE on my forearm. who gave me this?????!?

2. I HAVE NOT GOTTEN A FULL NIGHTS SLEEP IN DAYS AND DAYS. crazy train and i painted the town red on saturday night but we DON'T REMEMBER IT. see also: holiday parties, previous attempts at wrestling/skirt monsters, various nefarious trips in mystery vans. basically it was awesome. i think. from what i hear anyway.

3. my liver hurts. really. ouch ouch ouch.

4. crazy train and hubby are so cute i am glad i didn't vomit on them.

5. i'm also just glad i didn't vomit in general.

6. i forget what wonderful things i told some shirtless dude backstage but i remember thinking i was really funny. i think in drunk to sober translation that means i was being plain old weird and/or making poor attempts at humor. i think i was trying to make fun of him? did he bite me? THE MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE NEVER CEASE.

7. i love biscuits and gravy. KUDOS TO MY MOM FOR TAKING HER DRUNK DAUGHTER TO A NICE BRUNCH. also double bonus for delicious bloody mary with capers.

8. i'm really into getting postcards.

9. i have decorated everything in my apartment with xmas lights. SRSLY! it looks beautiful/shiny/bright/like a shitty dormroom minus the monet poster and ugly clapboard snap together furniture with fucking stupid butterfly chair. how ugly is this pink furry thing? makes my skin crawl.



10. i am a skittish alley cat. please scratch behind my earz but don't be suprised if i'm rabid. or if i have feline aids. or if i'm really bad with people/babies/other kitties. LOVE ME!

OH SHIT WAIT

EVEN BETTER

FREIGHT TRAIN:

THE (EXTREMELY) EARLY YEARS?

FUCK. WINTER.

SERIOUSLY.

ANOTHER NIGHT IN THE LIFE OF THE FREIGHT TRAIN

THURSDAY THE LADIEZ ATE A LOT OF CUBAN FOOD

AND COULDN'T OPEN THEIR BEERZ WITH AS MUCH SKILL AS THE DUDE WITH THE SPOON


A RUCKUS WAS CAUSED, FREE BOOZE WAS IMBIBED, CRAZY TRAIN LOST HER VOICE, LORD OF THE JAMZ WAS CALLED.

TONIGHT, THEY RELIVE THE GLORY. ONLY WITH LESS CUBAN FOOD AND WITH A SICKER CRAZY TRAIN.

HOLY SHIT

THE WORLD MAY BE ENDING.


BRITNEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING!??!

EVIDENCE
MORE EVIDENCE